Lessons in Friendship

It’s been a tough month for friendship in my house.    I’ve had to make apologies to three different friends this month for mistakes I’ve made and hurts I’ve caused.  I had one friend hang up the phone on me in complete exasperation for my actions.  I had another friend call me out on behavior that she found hurtful.   I’ve had to let go of a friendship that was once special but is now not a friendship at all.   But through all of those experiences, I was reminded that while friendships can stand the tests of time and distance, life is precious and can change in an instant. 

My sweet college friend ran out of time in her battle against pancreatic cancer this month.  She passed away at age 37, leaving a loving husband, two young children, and many family and friends missing her smile, encouragement, and touch on the world.   A former classmate and friend died tragically last week, just eighteen months after her husband passed away from cancer.  Her five children’s lives have been drastically altered.   I will miss telling these friends how they made a difference in my life.

Even in their loss, though, they reminded me of important lessons:  to remember that each day is a blessing and to not take one minute of it for granted; to celebrate the small stuff; to hug my son more often; to make a difference in someone’s life; and to be more thankful.

Friendship takes work and care, like a plant that has to be nurtured. I’ll be the first to admit that in the chaos of my daily life, I sometimes move friend-time down on the priority list, and this month, some of those relationships suffered.  I’ve apologized to those who I hurt in this way, and because they ARE such good friends, I know we’ll move forward and continue to have more high moments in our friendships than we have low moments. 

My friend Camie reminded me that while friendship is a gift, some gifts are worth returning if they don’t have any value.  True friendships are not one-sided.  They have people on both sides willing to grow through the good and the bad.  And when a friendship makes you feel bad, more than it makes you feel good, it’s okay to let it go.  It doesn’t make you a “quitter” or a bad person.  It just means that you can’t be your best person if someone continues to make you less than your best.

I’m thankful for the people in my life who put in the time and effort to nurture friendships with me.   I’m thankful for the friends who are there for my good days AND my bad days.  And I’m glad that I can say “I’m sorry” when I’m wrong and know that I have friends who can do the same.   Each one of these relationships is special in their own way and makes a difference in my life.   

I use my 17 smiling muscles much more than I use my 47 frowning muscles in my friendships.  And knowing that I have two more people watching over me and continuing to impact me makes me smile too.